Flowers Are For the Living

We went to a birthday party a while back for a friend who was turning 80. Her kids threw her a beautiful surprise party, complete with appetizers, a meal, and then ending with cake and coffee. The tables were all beautifully decorated with live flowers in pretty teapots.

It truly was a beautiful affair and our friend was quite surprised.

The kids all spoke to the attendees and presented a wonderful slide show of their mom's life. It was all very reminiscent of today's funerals...except of course, it was joyous. One of the daughter's explained the flowers on the table.

"You know how everyone gives you flowers when you die?" She asked. "Well, we wanted to give them to you now, Mom. Flowers should be for the living. You know how everyone gets up at a funeral and says nice things about the deceased? Well, we wanted to do that for you now, so that you will know how much you are loved. We have small note cards on the tables and everyone will write down a memory they have of you, so you can read them later."

It truly was a beautiful sentiment, and found me wishing we had done this for my folks before they had passed. Other than the note cards, it was exactly what we did do at both of their funerals. But then I realized. Oh, wait! We did do this for their birthdays, before they each passed. My mom had a beautiful, surprise 90th birthday party on a warm, summer's day in my sister's back yard. Mama was born a summer girl. Family from both sides came as did many longtime friends. I remember her embarrassment, but more than that I remember her joy.

And we had thrown a 90th party for my dad in the same back yard; later we had an even larger 93rd birthday/going away party, just before he died. We knew he had a very short time to live. And we weren't even sure he would make it to his party. He did, and then lived about 2 weeks longer. We had food, and flowers, music and dance. We made a video of his life and showed it on a big screen. People were able to share their love.

I cannot be more thankful that we gave those parties for them. That kind of delight on their faces and a memory like that is extremely important for them. But it is also important for the kids. It has become a common refrain in our society, that we should send the flowers while one is still here so they are able to enjoy the attention and love while living. And yes. We should.

But this morning, I was reflecting on funerals. My aunt's brother had died and his funeral would be today. I didn't send flowers, but I wondered if I should have. I began reflecting on all the flowers at my folks funerals. I remember each person who took the time to send a bouquet. I remember my sister asking me when my dad had passed and we were preparing. "Should we just ask donations be sent to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers?"

"No." I had simply, but adamantly replied and then I had reasoned:

"Let people send flowers if they like. I don't want a plain church, or a grave undecorated. I want people to know how much they were loved."

And I am glad we did that. Because you see, flowers in actuality, really are for the living.