The Lifting Fog

I haven’t been able to write. I haven’t been able to read. Neither have I been able to watch television or movies. I am in that place…that weird place, I don’t even know how to describe. Usually it is just my reading that is affected and I just can’t get through an entire book. But this time everything is affected – reading, writing, vegetating into TV-land. My brain is simply mush and won’t take on another thing.

This is how it has been at least since fall. Maybe longer. Oh I know I have typed out a blog post now and then, but it has been work. There has been no joy or relaxation in it.

Today, I feel like I can write. So I got up a bit earlier to give it a try.

I have also recently started a new book, and I do believe I will be able to get through it. I have started about 4 or 5 books over the last few months, but I have only read to about the 2^nd or 3^rd chapters in any of them. The one that has been able to hold my thoughts, finally,  is the one that I least expected. It is a big, thick, political book by Karl Rove. Oh, I know; everyone hates Karl Rove. I love him. He is a political strategist, pundit, and he was the campaign manager for George W. Bush when he ran for President. He is head of a political action committee, which strives to place conservatives into office. His nick-name is the Architect. Anyway, I am rambling now. I didn’t intend to write about Karl. But because I started, I will tell you the name of the book, it is The Triumph of William McKinley and Why the Election of 1896 Still Matters. It is so good so far. There will be a blog post/book report later, I am sure.

Anyway, let me get back on track. Writing…how come I can do it today? I don’t know. I just felt like I could. I went to coffee with my folks yesterday. My dad had started reading the book again that I wrote about him. He started telling me about it the minute we got to his house. Once we all arrived at coffee, much to my mother’s frustration, he was still talking about it. “It is so well-written.” He told me, just as if he had read it for the first time. Well sometimes it seems like that when it has been a while and one re-reads a favorite book. He wants me to get it published. I explained that it isn’t quite that good. And I explained it is expensive (for me, anyway) to self-publish. He actually seemed very disappointed. Mom changed the subject.

So, did that encourage me to write today? Nah, I don’t think so. The fog in my brain is simply beginning to lift. Why now? It’s been months. I don’t know. Things are a bit better. My dreaded January is almost over. I am able to pay attention a bit more to my own family and a little less to someone else.

My winter has consisted mostly of tears every morning out of frustration and fear as I scurry off on the drive I hate so much…fuming all the way, of course. Doing what needs to be done, then coming home and collapsing in my chair. It’s been a rough time. I have learned to surround myself with things I like to call “creature comforts”. I don’t really even know what that means. I don’t know if it is some phony Freudian psychology term, or if it comes from the Christian community. You know; part of the “Christianeze” we all like to use that makes us look like we know what we are talking about and also makes us look like we are just a tad more holy than the next guy.

I first heard the term in a Bible Study I was attending in the ‘70’s. I loved the pastor that taught the study. And he used the term one evening. Apparently I latched onto it, because I remember it all these years later. I have even written, on this blog, about it before. But honestly, I don’t remember if the pastor used it in a good way or a bad way in his teaching. I think I have only heard the term one other time in all these 40 plus years. I don't remember in what context. But let me tell you what "creature comforts" mean to me. Yes, God is our Comforter and we should need nothing more, but tangible things go a long way in helping us get through this life. None of us are above that fact, as much as we would like to be. Creature comforts are actually what I intended this post to be about. I’m finally getting to it a full typed page later.

Creature comforts that got me through this winter.  
              

·        Lighted, scented candles – My sister, sharing my burden, surprised me with one this winter. It is Peppermint Marshmallow entitled “JOY”. She knew what I was looking to find. Just a little…I lit it every time I got home on the dark winter nights.

·         Scented foamy hand soap - “Peppermint” - given to me (without a reason) from my oldest sis.

·         A crackling fire in the fireplace.

·         Dogs at my feet and on my lap.

·         A cup of hot Tomato soup.

       ·         Kleenex

·         4 pair of readers strategically placed where I like to read -  my bed, my recliner, my computer and my kitchen.

·         Smooth, creamy, aromatic hand lotion- strategically placed, by my bed, my recliner, and my computer.

·         Gloves, and boots and scarves.

·         The sound of turning Bible pages. When my son was about 5 or 6, he pointed this out to me one day when we were sitting in church. I never forgot it. Leave it to a child to notice something so very important that we adults are too busy or focused to think about. Such a comforting sound, whether reading alone, or in a group.

·         December 22^nd - the first day past the shortest day of the year. This is a huge landmark in me keeping my sanity.
·         Soothing throat lozenges - Halls Defense or Ricola - including the rustling of the bag in which they are contained.

·         Traditional, sentimental Christmas décor.

·         Sunrises, Sunsets.

·         Full moons and fingernail moons.

·         My muck boots that my boys got me for Christmas. OH MY! One of the best gifts ever! Competes with my horse bench and Charles Dickens Collection, but nothing will ever beat out the Alan Jackson tickets when my son was 15. 

·         My bed, my comforter and my feather pillows.

So there you have it, I probably forgot a few things that got me through the fog. Still working on it. I know I will get there. And now, I am going to go join Karl...everyone hates him.