The sorrow runs deep.
But we must move on. We have no choice. It is the right thing to do.
My summer days are mostly lacking. It has been a struggle.
There have been a couple good days, by God's good grace.
I will try to write about one of these better days. Below is an account of my dealings and activities for a mid-week, summer
day...i.e. today.
I wake to wind. I like to sleep with my window open in
summer, but the wind was strong this morning. I looked at the clock...5
something. Too early...I cover my head to shut out the morning light and go
back to sleep.
6 something. It is time to get up, whether I feel like it or
not.
I let out my old man beagle for his morning potty, and start the coffee. While the
coffee brews, I go out and feed the ponies. We were able to get our hay in early this year, due
to all the nice rain enabling good growth. We asked a neighbor to cut for us this year, as our cutter is out of service. He was gracious enough to
do it for us, though he told me a few years ago he didn't want to do it
anymore. He is the best! He relented at my desperate plea. For his sake, we had him cut it high, as we didn't want to worry about him hitting any rocks. We have very rocky ground out here. Since it was cut high, it left some nice green length
for the horses to graze. Additional rain, is going to keep it green a bit
longer this year. That doesn't usually happen either. Yay for hay!!
Anyway, back to feeding the horses. I gave the horses all about half a flake, just to
get something on their tummies. I like to start them slow on the fresh, green grass
when they aren't used to it. Having something of their normal diet first,
helps them from gorging more than they should on the good stuff.
While they eat, I come in for coffee that is now ready, and my daily reading.
Refreshed with Bible and brew, it is time to think about what my day will entail. I
usually have an idea, but not today. I had no plans to go to town today, but I
can sense as my morning thought process begins to develop, that that is probably
going to change.
It is time to let the horses out to pasture and when I am done, I come in and work on my book business. I have sorely neglected it while my mom was sick and the site I deal with, actually deactivated me. I finally got a chance to check on it last night, and I saw they were still charging me fees, though I had been inactive since April. I was surprised to see they would do this when they were the ones to deactivate me! Yikes. I sent a letter last night explaining my situation and my unintended neglect in hopes they would help me out a bit. I received the reply this morning and it was favorable, so I got busy updating my site. That felt good.
After working for about an hour on my books, it is time to
let the horses back in. They always come agreeably with a little temptation of
grain. Juliee is the smart one, though. She has lived this cycle for a few
years now. She knows she might get a bit of grain, but then the fresh green
grass will be cut off. Not a fair trade and she is smart enough to know that. She is the last one in, and I have to coax her a bit. So
far, I haven't needed the halter. She eventually relents; the temptation too great.
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| Our Babies Si, Juliee, Loco Lobo, and Misty |
Next on my list -
bills and update checkbook! That has been sorely neglected through this
time, as well. Another thing that felt really good to get done.
Ok, well then! Moving right along! Already a few accomplishments behind me, and it is just a
bit past 9:00 am. I decide to shower and head in to see my dad. But I have time, so I will move
slowly. I make a left-over pork sandwich for breakfast, and have more
coffee. I catch a bit of the news. I
LOVE the news. At this time it is time for the girls on Fox - "Outnumbered" I think it is called. Not too much of that, just a bit of an update to stay informed.
After a hot, rejuvenating shower, make-up and hair, (yes, I feed the horses
in my jammies) I am ready to head out. By this time, I guess it is a bit before
11:00 and I realize Dad will already be at lunch by the time I arrive.
He is sitting with a woman and her daughter, and we have a
nice visit. Two more ladies arrive to give us a full table. I have a small salad and
coffee. Just a little something in order to eat with Dad and make him feel better to not eat alone. The facility is very
gracious. There is no charge for guests for drinks and small house salads, or even soup.
We go back to Dad's room and visit a bit. I clean a bit and
talk to him about a future outing that I have in mind. He is delighted. After a
few tears at lunch, my idea has good timing. Bless my daddy.
I head for home, pleased that I had decided to come in for a
visit. The drive home is leisurely and a time to reflect alone, and
yes...mourn. My showers and my drives are my important times alone.
It is about 2:30 when
I arrive at my home. I decide on the ride home, I will make a rhubarb pie as
soon as I get there. It takes me no time at all to get out and start picking
rhubarb. There may not be many more pies, this summer. My rhubarb has been a bit scant.
As the pie is baking, I decide to go check my garden and
water some plants. I weed a bit, but not aggressively. A thorough job will be left
for tomorrow. It feels good to water, and at the same time, I fill the horses
trough.
I guess it is about 4:00 now, and I decide to ask my husband
if he wants to take a drive to return two bales of hay that we had borrowed from my
cousins. We ran out one weekend with no place to purchase. More good neighbors! Even if they are family! "Sure", my husband says, he is up for a drive and visit. We note there is a storm
headed in now, but I ask him to weigh the bales before we go, as we didn't get a chance to do it
the other day when we baled and brought in the hay.
I love doing this. Yes, weighing the hay! We have my grandpa's hay scale, that my
dad passed on to us and it is an absolute thrill to pull it out and use it each
year. I really should have taken a picture as we weighed...but dang that storm;
and we wanted to get the hay over to cousin before rain.
WOOHOO! 75 pound bales this year! That is a
good bale for us! We couldn't be more pleased.
My husband bought himself a little side by side, 4 wheeler,
this year. So we place the bales on the back of it and head down the road to
cousins...probably only a quarter of a mile away. These are the things that
make me love where I live. For a moment, it feels like a scene from Norman
Rockwell. This is how life should be. A rare, fleeting moment these days, but this
is how I want it to be. And I can't get it out of my head that this is how it
should be...EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
We arrive before they are home for work, but
their son, J, has also just arrived. Their plan is to go get hay. We have a
nice visit with him, but we all soon realize, the storm is going to prevent them from going on the
excursion they had planned.
We leave the borrowed hay with J and head home without seeing my cousin this time. The wind
is picking up, just as we arrive home. The lawn chairs are being blown around.
I decide to keep the horses in for their feeding, instead of letting them out to pasture. The wind and rain
that is now present is just too strong. Pretty sure, the babies were ok with that. ;-) Only one
refuses to go in a stall in bad weather. Si - our daughter-in-law's silly
gelding. But oh what a sweetie! My Juliee heads for her stall at the first sign of rain
and watches intently as she waits for me to deliver. SWEETHEART. Baby girl. I love her.
I come in and make coffee - I have warm, rhubarb pie in mind.
But first, a tuna sandwich and left over beans from last night. Hubby is on his own. I don't usually
eat dinner. But this is what I want for tonight. I am out of Special K, my norm. Coffee and dinner; then a second cup with
the rhubarb pie. I enjoy the storm as I eat and watch a bit of the local news.
Maybe I can blog a bit.......but the sorrow runs deep...too deep to write about just yet...so this post is all I can do...unimportant ramblings.
Someday, I will be ready to write about the important
things...But this is today. Today, I try to hold on to the fleeting moments, and Norman Rockwell scenes; breathing in comfort through superficial actions, and moments of distraction. Today was mostly that: distracting - one of the good days, by God's good grace.
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