We will burn those branches today, if the wind dies down,” he decisively told me.
“Ok”, I agreed as I lingered over my 3rd cup of morning coffee. I wasn’t about to argue; I had been wanting to do it since the last wind storm we had, took them all down. There was a fairly big branch out of the Mountain Ash that had broken off, and several both large and small branches out of the Quaking Aspens. This was going to be a work day, and I was thankful. Truthfully, some of my best days ever, are when we are working together outside on a project, or doing yard work. It was even better when our son, was here too. I always told him, “Son, these are some of the best days of your life.” Lol Pretty sure he didn’t agree then, and he absolutely wouldn’t agree now! lol Ok, I get it; so it was a slight exaggeration. But he would agree that the best days of ones life are spent with ones kids.
Anyway, we had taken most of the branches to the burn pile in the pasture, last week, just after the storm had brought them down. It wouldn’t be a real difficult work day, because most of the hard work was already done. I did have a little more clean up around the Mountain Ash. As I began my work there the smallest little chickadee sat and chirped at me from a limb. Oh goodness, I thought, I hope I am not disrupting her nest. I didn’t see a nest, but that would be the last thing I wanted to do. I got out of there as quickly as I could. I don’t like scaring my birds!
I carried over the last of the branches and joined Sam, in the pasture. We had a burn pile out by the barn, where he was already adding more branches, which he had earlier loaded on to the four-wheeler.
Arly (German shepherd and Blue-tick Coon Hound) was bouncing around like an excited pup, because he was allowed to join us. He doesn’t usually get to go out to the barn unless we are with him. He could easily escape under the wire, with nose to the ground and be gone for good. Since losing my mare, Juliee, last fall, he hasn’t been able to go out there much at all...because I haven’t gone out there much either. Too many memories that I wanted to leave dormant there, for just a while longer.
I hate to admit it, but as an addition to the task at hand, I also had to empty Juliee’s water trough. It had filled with rain and melted snow throughout the winter, because I had left it sitting out, right side up. I could have at least turned it upside down last fall, but I didn’t even get that done. I guess it was that staying away thing that got the best of me. Fortunately, I had been out to the barns a couple weeks ago and did some clean up there. So actually, there wasn’t much to do today in the way of cleaning things out. We had a couple hay bales left, that we needed to burn and that was about it. Sam found an old pallet he also threw on the pile. It wasn’t long before that fire was roaring. It felt good. The warmth, yes; but just mainly to be getting it done.
I decided since we were out there, I might as well get my riding lawn mower started and move it over to the yard where I keep it in summer months. Spring is here early and it won’t be that long before our lawn will need to be mowed. I paused for a moment as I went into the big barn, taking in the ambiance. Yes, barns have an ambience. I always thought my pole shed barn didn’t have near that same aura that my grandpa’s old wooden barn had, but surprisingly today I felt it. I felt it the moment I opened the gate to enter. It’s like an old friend put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in to the place where things always stopped for me, and said, “Here...just breathe.” Feel it? There’s the scent of hay, and the warmth of memories and work that actually always turned to pleasure. There were tears that this barn held, and laughter and love. It held accomplishment and failure, and memories of a life so long strived for, ending too soon.
I looked at the wall that I had decorated several years ago, making a little corner of the barn into a “she-shed”. I mentioned that once on Facebook and several friends encouraged me to post a photo. But I never did. I was a bit embarrassed by it. It wasn’t a fancy normal type she-shed. It was just my little corner of the world - a corner of the barn, where I drank my morning coffee and ate rhubarb pie all by myself on rainy days. It’s where I kept my mounting block, that as I aged I really, really needed to even mount my small 15 hand, Juliee. I had decorated my corner with plastic plants and an old dial telephone, connected only to the past. It was from my folks house in the neighborhood where I was raised. The telephone that helped four kids and two parents through life, bringing good news, and sad news and no news...just life in the 1960’s.
The walls here in my she-shed also held two decorative thermometers that Matt had given me when he was just a kid. I loved each of them, though neither no longer worked. Oh and there were two cute little solar lanterns that were meant to be in the sun, so they would light up at night. They didn’t work either...especially in the barn; but they looked so doggone cute.
I took a peak into the tack room that was really just a closet that Sam had added when we first had the barn built. It encompassed just enough room for 3 saddles and our bridles. I about lost it then. There was my Aussie saddle that Matt had passed on to me when he bought a new one. Both saddles he bought with his own money, as a kid while still living at home. How I love that saddle! It was so light for me as I aged and so simple to tack up. Plus it was just so doggone comfortable. Ain’t parting with it. Never! No how; nada, never! They always say “Don’t sell your saddle.” I kinda believe that; gonna live by it anyway. I'm not much of a cowgirl; but I am at least that much of one.
As I thought about that saddle, I realized I must be getting better. I was able to push the tears back down my throat, and instead, get to the task at hand - starting that John Deere riding mower. Last year it started at one turn of the ignition. This year, it took a bit more. But that’s ok...everything is getting older. Once started, and I let it warm a bit, it ran like a champ.
I took it over to the house checking out and closing all the gates. Why is even that little task fun for me? I don’t know. It just is. It feels good and gates squeak the right note and provide protection to the things the soul loves; and offers a feeling of doing the right thing. And it only takes a moment.
Back at the fire, Sam was finishing things up. I took a look back in the hay barn and felt that same feeling I did earlier...memories, with ambiance and aroma. Juliee’s bridle was still on the hook, but her halter and lead rope were gone. I didn’t ask anything about the last time I had put them on her and waited for the vet to come. And I still don’t want to know any more than I already know. Sam took care of the hardest part for me.
With the barn looking pretty clear, and the fire now roaring with nothing more to add to it, I pulled up a chair Sam had brought over to rest just a bit. It was all under control, Arly was back in the yard, and time was all we needed now. An idea came to me as I sat and watched the now waning flames. This post and that little video below.
So the photo below is AI...well, not the photo. That’s me on Juliee several years ago, when I was out for a ride with our son, who must have been riding his mare Tobi when he snapped the picture. I had a little fun with AI and created a little video from it. I had no videos of Juliee and me on a ride. Now I do. I’m going to think about that instead of memories swirling through my mind, trying to leak out through my eyes. "Whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are pure; think on these things." This is where the cowgirl rides away.
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